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Why Is That?

By on July 1, 2019

A COMPILATION OF TRUCKING REALITIES

BY: David A. Kolman, Senior Editor

EVER BEEN CURIOUS ABOUT WHY THINGS ARE THE WAY THEY ARE IN THE TRUCKING INDUSTRY, INSTEAD OF HOW THINGS COULD BE OR SHOULD BE? WONDER NO MORE. ANSWERS HAVE ARRIVED.

Following are 30 laws, principles and rules that will help explain why things are the way they are in the trucking industry:

1 The Law of Blind Faith & Excessive Trust With an over-reliance on GPS devices and technology, to the exclusion of road signs and common sense, you will end up on a road to nowhere or in a dangerous situation.

2 The Rule of Variation When you change your lane of traffic, the one you were in will start to move faster than the lane you moved into.

3 The ‘Screws, Bolts & Washers’ Principle When repairing or maintaining a truck, screws, bolts and washers, when dropped, will roll or bounce to the least accessible spot.

4 The Rule of Uh-Oh The likelihood of meeting someone you know increases greatly when you are with someone you do not want to be seen with.

5 The Law of ‘Not-Now, Not-Here’ Regardless of how well-maintained a vehicle is, it will breakdown at the worst possible time in an out-of-the-way location.

6 The Paying the Water Bill Principle One’s perception of time depends upon how long it takes to stop for an urgent bathroom break.

7 The ‘Do-It -Yourself Repair’ Principle For the successful completion of any DIY vehicle repair requiring tools, the person doing the work will draw blood at least once.

8 The ‘Do-It -Yourself Repair’ Principle Corollary That person will also end up with grease in unlikely areas on themselves and their clothing.

9 The Probability Law The probability of being observed is directly proportional to the stupidity of what you’re doing.

10 Mother’s Law Your mother said there would be days like this, but she never mentioned enforcement vehicles.

11 Cabover Kolman’s Law For every human reaction there is an overreaction.

12 The Uniserial Law of the U.S. DOT The U.S. Department of Transportation shall pass no regulations or laws that it shall be subject to.

13 The Principle of In-Cab Cooking
A well-balanced meal is whatever gets hot all at the same time.

14 The Technician’s Rule Tool thieves be warned. Be sure to carry your ID so your body can be identified and your next of kin can be notified.

15 The ‘It’s-Not-There’ Principle Objects are lost in a truck cab and/or sleeper because drivers look where the objects were, instead of where they are.

16 Vehicle Repair Law Number 4
The vehicle part that requires the most frequent repair or replacement will be located in the most inaccessible place.

17 The Law of Restaurant Eating When eating at a restaurant, the price of the meal correlates directly with the eatery’s décor.

18 The Law of Restaurant Eating Corollary Whatever the person at the next table or counter stool orders, the food will always look better than what you ordered.

19 The Dispatcher Rule There is a 50 percent chance of anything. It either happens or it doesn’t.

20 The Dispatcher Rule Corollary Communicating with a dispatcher is equal to the square root of fibs, times mistakes, times contradictions, divided by confusion.

21 The ‘Wasn’t-Me’ Principle Do not fix the mistake. Fix the blame.

22 The ‘Running-Low-on-Fuel’ Principle The last fuel stop within 60 miles will be closed when you arrive there.

23 The ‘Red-Light-Relativity’ Law The shortest period of time is that interval between the traffic signal turning green and the person in the vehicle behind you blowing his or her horn.

24 The ‘Truck-Is-Late’ Law You’re not late until you arrive there.

25 The ‘Big-Rig Bling & Shine’ Law The purchase of chrome, polished aluminum and/or stainless steel accessories, LED lights and other bright, shiny items can be easily rationalized based on the strength of the desire to own them.

26 The ‘Hot-Load’ Law The tighter the timetable for delivering a hot load, the more you will worry and the later you will arrive.

27 Vehicle Repair Law Number 13 If you can see the problem, it can be fixed quickly. If you can only hear the problem, it will be a more involved repair. If you can’t see or hear the problem, the fix will be lengthy and expensive.

28 The Principle of Operational Plausibility Do not test something to see if it will work if you think it will not.

29 The Law of ‘Waiting to Load/Unload’ The amount of time you must wait to load or unload is directly proportional to the uncomfortableness of the setting in which you’re waiting.

30 The ‘Do Not Bother A Technician While Working’ Rule To avoid personal injury while technicians work on your vehicle, do not tell them how to do their jobs. 

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